Friday, December 30, 2011

The Beatles Are WAY Better Than Justin Bieber

 Good morning personages! J As you all know, I am obsessed with the Beatles. I mean, they are the most revolutionary, influential, and universally acclaimed group of the twentieth century! (Not to mention adorableJ) Who wouldn’t love them?? Well sadly, I know a group of Americans who don’t love the Beatles. The horribly misguided, peoples (with no taste in music) that are too busy loving none other than the horrible, vile, untalented, twit… Justin Bieber. (Cue the horrified gaspsJ) I know, I know, it’s horrible. These poor girls who turned on the radio one day to hear his (oddly feminine) voice, without being previously exposed to the sweet, sweet melodies of the Fab Four, instantly loved the (horrific) sound of the fiend’s music. (If you can call it that) These poor, poor girls had caught this horrible new disease, deadly to anyone who had listened to real music. (But strangely enough made girls that hadn’t listened to real music fall at this fiend’s feet) The scientific name for this malady is Malus pyrexia, otherwise known as…wait for it… Bieber Fever. (Shudder, shudder) Many have tried and failed to cure this horrid, horrid, disease. It seems that there is no hope left for these poor girls. All is lost… or is it?? For I have developed a cure for these poor girls… BEATLEMANIA!!! In order to give them this cure, I will spam them all with the amazing, the adorable, the talented, the just-too-gosh-darn-loveable, PAUL MCCARTNEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Thank you, thank youJ)

But sadly, just the sight of the amazing Paul McCartney will only cure (to my calculations) an eighth of the infected girls. (Since some just like the fiendish Justin Bieber for his looks…ick) The other seven eighths will be slightly trickier. To cure an additional four eighths, I must fill their ears with the sweet melodies of the lads from Liverpool. J I will make them listen to Paul’s amazing songs:  And I Love Her, Michelle, P.S. I Love You, All My Loving, and When I Saw Her Standing There.  They will love the Beatles and their amazing talent and a good four sixths of the infected will be cured. J But unfortunately, there is another two thirds of these infected girls won’t listen to the sweet sound of Beatles and refuse to relinquish the horrid virus. Two eighths I will cure by comparison. (These girls have been infected in a less common way. This way is that they think the Beatles are either old or dead so their music must be horrible compared to Justin Bieber and refuse to listen to it because of this belief. They also think for some reason that the fiend is better looking than the Fab Four. Crazy, I say.) For them, I will show them my amazing comparison of the Beatles versus Justin Bieber. Let’s start with the smile. George Harrison versus Justin Bieber...on your mark...get set...GO!!!! J
Do I even need to say that George wins?? I mean seriously, he's got the cutest smile, like, ever! Beatles-1; Justin Bieber-0. Now let's move on to see who has the cutest face: Paul McCartney or Justin Bieber. J

Now clearly Paul wins. I mean, look at that face!!! He’s just so adorable!!! And here Justin actually has the advantage because Paul is in his twenties here and Justin is in his teens. Beatles-2; Justin Bieber-0. But now since these girls will be all like, “That’s not fair! They’re not the same age!” I will appease them. Let’s see who is cuter as a little kid: Ringo Starr or Justin Bieber.

Awwww!!! Look at baby Ringo!!!!!!! Awwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!! He's just so adorable!!!!!!!! I've taken a survey and 99.999% of all sane people think Ringo is by far the cutest.J Beatles-3; Justin Bieber-0. Now let’s see who is funnier: The Beatles… or Justin Bieber. (This shouldn’t take longJ)

Now I compare hairstyles. (Mutter mutter mutter Paul mutter)J
Justin Bieber stole the Beatles’ mop tops and didn’t even wear it good!! Beatles-4; Justin Bieber-0. But sadly, just comparing looks won’t convince all of them. I must compare talent and accomplishments.

(If the pic is too small, click on it.) Obviously, the Beatles are more awesome. They are cuter, more amazing, more talented, and have accomplished more than Justin Bieber. BEATLES WIN
8-0!!!!!!! But sadly there will always be that last eighth who will still love Justin Bieber even after all this. But I will continue to try to cure them, one sad, misguided girl at a time.
Yeah I have ambitions, don’t I. J Maybe someday this will actually work and I will be a hero, J but for now I can only dream. Oh well, DFTBA and listen to the BEATLES!!!!!!!!! J


  1. I love it! Hopefully this will help to cure my poor infected friends!

    1. If it doesn't work, you can always just spam their emails with the Beatles' faces. That method worked on my friend. :)

  2. Luv this! I hate Justin! I'm a American woman with good taste in my Beatles. I was born into the wrong era. lol
    PS More pics of John PLEASE! ;)

  3. I puke at the thought of comparing The Beatles with Justin Bieber (of all people!) We're talking bout The Beatles here, The BEATLES! The 'Beliebers' are nuts I tell you, NUTS!